Discover my revolutionary perception transformation tool, the Demartini Method, and learn how to deal with rejection.
As you go through life you will notice that there are times when people support you and times when they challenge you, there are times when they will like you and times when they dislike you, they accept you and reject you. This is part of life. When you experience acceptance you may feel pleasure and when you experience rejection you may feel pain. You will only feel hurt when their opinion about you matters more than your own. This means you put them on a pedestal and you have an infatuation with their opinion.
The wise thing to do when you perceive you are experiencing the pain of rejection is to follow the series of steps extracted from a method I call the Demartini Method®. There is a more extensive version of the Demartini Method but this is an abbreviated version that will help you to deal with rejection. The results will amaze you if you just apply it.
If you perceive someone is rejecting you and you feel hurt by it, stop and ask a simple question.
How is my perception of them rejecting me benefiting me?
The only reason it hurts is because you are assuming more pain than pleasure, more loss than gain by their statement or action.
You may at first believe there is no benefit to the experience of rejection. But if you stop and look and you dig inside you will discover how their actions have indeed also been an equal benefit to you.
Is it making you:
- More determined to stand up, become strong and determined in some other area of your life
- An entrepreneur
- To break the addiction that people are always supposed to support you
- Open up to new friendships and forms of support from other people
- Learn how to deal with confrontation
What is the benefit? Keep answering the question until you have stacked up enough benefits to neutralize your perception of hurt. You will probably require 20 – 50 benefits to balance your perceived pain of rejection.
When you do, you will see they are actually helping you as much as you initially perceived them to be hindering you. The challenge and support you receive from their action is balanced.
The next question you want to ask is:
If they had not done the action I perceived as rejection, what would be the drawback?
If you are hurt by a perceived rejection then you have an assumption that if they were ‘nice’ to you and not ‘rejecting you’, then life would be better. But actually people that support you and accept you can keep you stuck and not push you to grow.
If you had nothing but support, you could become juvenilely dependent on people. The challenge and rejection makes you more independent and makes you stronger.
So when you perceive a hurt from a perceived rejection ask:
If all of a sudden they were the way I hope they would be, what would be the drawbacks to me if they didn’t reject me? What would be the drawback if they only accepted me?
You may be addicted to that acceptance and that may be keeping you stuck. The ‘rejection’ might help to catalyze more autonomy in your life and pushes you to have more independence in your thinking. Write at least 20 – 50 drawbacks to dissolve your fantasy.
This will result in your seeing that the ‘rejection’ was perfect as it was and you will feel grateful for the experience. You will not want to change the experience of ‘rejection’ when you balance your awareness.
Now ask yourself:
At the very moment somebody is ‘rejecting’ you, look for who is ‘accepting’ and ‘admiring’ you.
If somebody is putting you down and rejecting you, somebody is lifting you up, humble to you, supporting and accepting you. You may not see it immediately in that same room but it may be at work, it may be in your social life, in your family, it may be someone you got as a secret girlfriend or boyfriend, may be someone walking down the street but there is somebody synchronous.
Life is always having a pair of opposites. In order to perceive things we have to have a pair of opposites, a pair of contrasts. Just like if you are in a room and it is all white, you can’t see anything and if it is all black you can’t see anything but if it is black and white, you can distinguish things.
Every time you perceive things there is always a pair of opposites so if you perceive somebody rejecting you, you couldn’t even perceive it unless there was someone in your psyche at the same moment that is accepting you. If you are addicted to that acceptance, you will draw into your life the pair of opposites to break your addiction.
The moment you see that there are two sides; the dynamic dissolves.
You can go a step further and ask:
Where have I done that? Where have I rejected people?
Identify where you have done the same thing that they have done. When you identify where and when you have done it and the people you have done it to, it will calm down your judgment of them and you will realize that we are human beings.
“When we challenge someone’s values we get rejected, when we support someone’s values we get accepted.”
Ensure that you answer this question 20 – 50 times so that you realize that you do just as much rejecting as they do.
This is reflective consciousness and opens you up to seeing that the seer, the seeing and the seen are the same.
Every human has every trait to the same degree. They are nice and mean, rejecting and accepting. In essence we are all the same, but we appear to differ in form due to the expression of our traits according to our values.
It is wise to not having an unrealistic expectation on people always liking you all the time, accepting you all the time. You are going to have friends and foes, allies and enemies all your life.
Support and challenge is part of the growth.
Maximum growth occurs at the border of support and challenge, acceptance and rejection.
You will never rise to great leadership and do extraordinary things without both. Your experience of rejection may be the training you require for your expanded leadership and life mastery.
Next time you perceive that someone has ‘rejected’ you go back and re-read the four steps and answer the questions above.
If you’d love to learn more about dealing with rejection consider Dr Demartini’s signature program: The Breakthrough Experience.
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Deal with Rejection